Hot off the heels of our first ever The Whiskey Wash barrel pick, I’m extremely proud on this first of April, 2023, to launch our second ever barrel pick – “Secret Sh!tshow Whiskey Blend.”
Having learned a thing or two from our first barrel pick, I considered in the release of this second one a number of things. Firstly, with the idea of “infinity bottles” being such a trend among a portion of the whiskey drinking population, why not tap into that by doing an “infinity barrel” containing the random dregs from bottles about to be drained from my personal collection and things contributed from others? Furthermore, why tell you what’s actually in it?
Frankly, I’m not even sure what’s in it myself. Sort of a dump this in, dump that in, shake it all about, add more of this and that to desperately counter the already bad tasting blend and work not that hard at all to create an amazing whiskey I know you’ll love!
Reflecting as well on the idea of a “single barrel,” it dawned upon me: why visit some old rickhouse somewhere to do the picking when I could just wander into a much closer and ideal storage location in my PJs to grab the photos you see in this article. Thus, enter into the winning single barrel formula: my garage.
That’s right, my garage. This tiny barrel, sandwiched somewhat between an air fryer and a snow shovel, sits in a prime aging location atop a hand-built IKEA rack. Forget ancient barrel warehouses and tried and true barrel aging techniques here – who needs those things when it is literally just outside my garage door?
Now this is truly a single barrel release, at least until I dump more whiskey dregs in it after draining it this first time around selling off its contents. Speaking of which, some details on that – given what I expect will be supreme demand, my plan is to bottle it in thimble size containers, complete with an elaborate backstory as to how it came to be. The price point? Well, I expect this to be the PREMIERE single barrel pick for 2023, so let’s say $04012023 for the price, shall we?
I recently debuted my self-created single barrel pick to some of the astute team of whiskey reviewers that craft the reviews for our site. As I watched them swirl, sniff, taste and retch, I knew I truly had created a masterpiece they would all rate 5 out of 5. I’d share the comments I heard as they enjoyed their samples, but most of them aren’t probably fit for publishing here.
So if you’d like a bottle of this unknown whiskey blend going through a tiny “infinity barrel” second maturation process in my garage, leave us a note below or comment to us on social media and we will put you on a waiting list. Some months from now, if you’re lucky, you’ll have your own thimble sized ” Secret Shitshow Whiskey Blend” to share with your whiskey drinking pals, who probably won’t ever come back for another drinking night again.
Now, some tasting notes.
Tasting Notes: Secret Shitshow Whiskey Blend
Appearance: Ethereal, like the pee of a unicorn on a bright sunny morning.
Nose: It burns the fine hairs of my nose on first impact. After putting out the fire in my nostril, I reflect carefully on what I get: ethanol; horse stable on a hot summer day after not having been cleaned in some time; being near a paper mill; death and decay; low tide.
Palate: Upon first sip, I gag immediately. After getting that automated function under control, I again reflect on what’s going on here: magic in a bottle; the scrapings off my boot after hiking through a marsh; rawhide bone my dog has gnawed on for days; ink cartridge refill; again the horse dung.
Finish: Post stomach getting pumped for actually swallowing this, let me again reflect: very long and drawn out to the point of burning my insides; that feeling you get when you realize you just had something from the fridge that’s spoiled but it is already too late as you consumed it; cornucopia of hell that won’t end; please make the pain stop; and, yes, once again horse dung.
Nino Kilgore-Marchetti is the founder and editor-in-chief of The Whiskey Wash, an award winning whiskey lifestyle website dedicated to informing and entertaining consumers about whisk(e)y on a global level. As a whisk(e)y journalist, expert and judge he has written about the subject extensively, been interviewed in various media outlets and...