There comes a time in every whiskey reviewer’s life when one must take one for the team.
This, my friends, is that time.
Sure, from the get-go I was biased. Come on: A whiskey named 12 Foot Beard Jowl Bristle Whiskey? It sounds like it was tossed into the Hipster Business Name Generator. Was “artisanal” taken?” House-made” too over-used? “Farm-to-table” passé? And the beard thing. Sigh. It’s kind of enough. I can’t flip through Tinder or Bumble without every dude’s face resembling an 1860s war general.
So what’s up with the name, then? Is it the modern-day “This’ll put hair on your chest?” Nope; the moniker stems from a tale of a man in Pike County, Missouri who lost a bet and thus grew a 12-foot beard.
The bottle indicates it was distilled in Tennessee and bottled by Wood Hat Spirits, in New Florence, Missouri. Bourbon Banter bsheds a little more light on the mash bill (80 percent corn; 15 percent rye, and five percent malted barley), and its aging process (five years near Shelbyville, Tennessee, and aged for another year in Missouri).
Tasting Notes: 12 Foot Beard Jowl Bristle Whiskey
Vital stats: Mash bill of 80 percent corn; 15 percent rye, and five percent malted barley; about $35; 90 proof.
Color: Amber; goldenrod; strong cider.
Nose: Very alcohol-forward: Not gonna lie, there’s a strong first whiff of ethanol. Followed by browned butter, moss in the rain, and Corn Flakes. And then there’s that ethanol again.
Palate: Oh, no. Just…no. The mouthfeel is tinny. Not just thin and gasoline-ey, but like actual tin. It has a metallic taste to it. It left me with a terrible taste in my mouth, like eating eggs chased by cinnamon Altoids when I’m not near my toothbrush. I like eggs. I like cinnamon Altoids. But I don’t want them in the same dish.