You’ve got a full set of Glencairn glasses. You’ve got NEAT glasses, too, for when your extra-nerdy friends come over. You’ve sampled every whiskey from 23-year-old Pappy to The Balvenie 40, and they all bore you. You have more disposable income than you can get rid of. You’re looking, in short, for newer, more unnecessary, more expensive drinking experiences. What better way to scratch that itch than with handsomely-priced consumer goods?
Norlan Glass
The Glencairn glass might be an industry standard, but if you really want to impress your guests, the Norlan Glass is for you. This super-thin vessel is double-walled, with an inside wall shaped basically like a classic Glencairn glass, only with four ridges inside the bowl (okay, okay—four protrusions). The idea is to create a standing wave in the whiskey as you swirl it, which increases surface area and encourages oxygenation. What does the outside wall do? Nothing, it just looks cool. A pair of these beauties will set you back $48; or you can get the Kist, a handmade box (“produced in extremely limited quantities”) containing eight glasses, for a cool $1000.
These outrageous decanters
Whiskey decanters, unlike wine decanters, serve little practical function. Unless, of course, you count making yourself feel like a British MP or an important Mad Men-era business boy as a practical function. If those are priorities for you, you could go for a classic crystal decanter—or you could go for this wildly impractical ship in a bottle number. A quick search for antique decanters turns up some real oddities, including this honestly adorable Model T-shaped bottle, which doubles as a music box.
Expensive ice ball press
It’s a fact of physics that a sphere is the ideal shape for the ice you put in your drink, since it has the smallest surface area to volume ratio of any solid. But how do you make an ice sphere? Sure, you could buy one of those silicone molds, if you’re a scrub. Otherwise, you’re going to want one of these stylish, extravagant Japanese ice presses, which melt a block of ice into a perfect ball—or model water molecule, or diamond—in seconds.
Customizable aging barrel
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Wigle, a Pittsburgh-based craft distillery, sells a variety of small barrels and aging kits, so you can experiment with different aging times in your own home. For the fully customizable experience, consider having your initials or coat of arms seared into this made-to-order barrel, available in 2, 5, and 10 liters.
Custom-engraved Johnnie Walker Blue Label
Blue Label is the crown jewel in Johnnie Walker’s lineup of blended scotch whiskies, and at around $200 a bottle, it’s not cheap. But why pay such a premium for a whisky anyone can pick up at the liquor store? No, you need something more personal: you need this fine spirit in a custom-engraved bottle. Fortunately, Johnnie Walker offers that option on their website. Choose from a list of bland pre-written pleasantries, or go wild and order one with 45 characters of your choosing.
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